Dear friends, if you have not felt the spirits of the new year, the year 5722 that is already in full swing, together with the last breaths of 5771 - you probably have a mask on your nose, or you have lost your sense of smell, and you should go get tested.
The Hebrew year, when most of us do not really live by it and do not say "talk to me in Kislev" or "this is the hottest Elul I can remember", is about to end, and as after every visit to the garage, one should check "what we had there".
So get my elected officials of the year, appointed in an orderly procedure by an independent and non-existent committee that included me with the air conditioner in the living room.
Comeback this year
Several people competed for this title, who came back to us after they had almost disappeared from consciousness.
Prime Minister Naftali Bennett, who a year or so ago barely passed the blocking percentage, now has more security guards than voters he had then.
Last year he was the maximum candidate in the "Writer of the Year" category for his book "How to Beat an Epidemic", and the fact that this year he has already fought the plague from the Prime Minister's chair proves that it is not true that writers are no longer valued in Israel.
Another candidate in the comeback category is Bozi Herzog, who returned from the Jewish Agency directly to the President's House.
Robbie's replacement for Boogie proves that we have nothing we like more than affectionate nicknames, so do not be surprised if after Robbie, Boogie, Bibi and Boogie, our next leader will be that my father is a nice butterfly (who also makes a comeback).
Prisoner Roman Zadorov not only returned home, but also made a comeback to the crime scene (which is not entirely clear who exactly committed it) when he returned to live in Katzrin.
Besides, he's going to have a retrial, which is also a kind of comeback.
He is currently under house arrest, which will make it difficult for him to return to his previous job as a repairman, unless customers come to his home with their broken drywall.
The hottest trend of the year
In the hottest trend category of the year, this summer's insane heat and fiery sand competed in the sea, which does not allow walking without flip-flops.
But the winners in the category are the insane fires seen in the mountains of Jerusalem, the United States and Turkey, as part of the ecological crisis that is making the planet an overly hot location.
The brilliant political decision
Quite a few politicians competed in this category.
In politics you sometimes have to look a few years ahead to see if the decision was wise, but at this point, the winner is former MK Ofer Shelach, who realized before everyone else that he was going to be a senior minister in a future government, and to thwart the move. In perfect timing that left him without a party and without friends.
Tourist site of the year
If it is not enough that the corona has closed us a variety of vacation destinations, in the last month the magical option of a vacation in Afghanistan has also been dropped.
But you are in the matter of attractions like stoning women.
In the year when most countries turned red, the one who took all the money from the Israeli tourist was Greece, who stole the crown and the Israeli towel thieves from Turkey.
If the Greeks want to further increase the flow of visitors from Israel, I suggest they also enter the Turkish niche of hair transplant tourism.
It is only advisable to separate the transplant tourists from the regular entertainment centers.
It would be unpleasant if at a party at one of the rambatico clubs someone tried to break a plate on the head of a freshly transplanted person.
The new star of the vacation packages from Israel is Dubai, which has become the Israeli discovery of the year, and is expected to win the "biggest disappointed Israelis" category in the coming year, especially after inventorying the faucets in luxury hotels and karaoke kits thrown into the pool.
Chopsticks of the year
Those who managed to spend NIS 5,000 a night on the new hotel in Shaharut competed for this title.
If David Ben-Gurion had heard of these tariffs, he would probably have turned over in his grave and asked to have a Thai massage on his stomach as well.
Alternatively, there were those who went for something solid and took the family for a weekend in Eilat, at a price equal to each mentally ill of 30,000 shekels.
But the coveted title goes to those who bought a Tesla car.
The owners of the electric and trendy car boast a double chopstick aura - not only do they declare themselves as millionaires who bought an expensive car, they also play it who cares about earth pollution and the environment, as if they were Greta Thonberg with a license.
They should just take into account that we are in Israel, and it is possible that the IEC will soon make it clear that its monopoly in the field of electricity also applies to electric cars, and the committee will declare that it disables all cars until its demand is met that every employee receives a free Tesla.
Those who have taken this category three steps further are Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk and Richard Branson, the billionaires who flew into space in private spaceships.
They won first place in a separate category of their own: the most expensive upgrade on the flight.
Age of the year
Contrary to the saying that the world belongs to the young, this year we learned that life begins at the age of 80. The elderly were the first to receive the vaccines, which allowed them to return to spending time before everyone else.
The world's most important leader, Joe Biden, is also a 79-year-old infant.
The shot of the year
The first, second and third vaccines against Corona competed for this title, with the good old vaccine against influenza lagging far behind.
One of them will be crowned as the shot of the year, at least until it becomes clear what exactly happened in the separation of Noa Tishbi and her husband, and who there threw whom.
Right now the favorite to win is the booster, which is also leading in the makeover category this year.
Until recently, Booster was just a baby chair, and today it is already a shot that is supposed to save from a global epidemic.
The word Delta, which was known to the Israeli public as a trendy underwear brand, and is now a deadly virus, also competed in this category.
It remains only to hope that we do not discover that the virus infects us in areas protected by underwear.
Discovery of the Year
This title undoubtedly wins the word mobbed.
Many try to pretend that they knew the word even before the hit, but it is clear that the only one who knew of its existence is Eden Ben Zaken.
It's a phrase that's easiest to define right now in time: the moment at weddings where music begins that makes people in their 50s and older run home.
Considerate of the year
These, of course, are the teachers who chose not to get vaccinated, because they are Corona deniers or at least Corona nuisances - that is, those who like to argue all day about the disease instead of listening to what the experts say.
It is not clear on the basis of what scientific information those teachers chose not to get vaccinated, unless they obtained a study that proves that the vaccine causes a side effect of the passage of the eyes to the back.
Farewells of the year
This year, some great, well-known and important people left us - such as Zvi Shissel, Omri Nitzan, Roni Daniel, Sagi Bashan, Lior Yeni, Yigal Tumarkin, Danny Karavan, Jackie Mason and Charlie Watts from the Rolling Stones.
The stain of Tumarkin and Karavan, whose creation also included the construction of important monuments, heralds a shortage in the field next year, so if you have a child in the education system - convince him to drop the high-tech nonsense and go to study monument construction.
The fashionable item of the year
There is no competition here at all.
The item that conquered the whole world, regardless of religion, race and ear size, was the corona mask.
Beyond its health benefits, the mask has been found to be effective in moments when you do not recognize someone you know, and can blame her for it;
In moments of conversation with someone boring, where you can yawn discreetly;
Or when someone tells a stupid joke and you do not like not to laugh.
We, the Israelis, a nation that has always stood out with a well-developed and unique fashion sense, have adopted, for aesthetic reasons of course, the wearing of the mask on the chin only, and if you really want to come out original, hang it on the ear, probably assuming no virus wants to approach someone so ridiculous.
Those who are less connected to this fashion are the residents of Pardes Hanna, who generally believe less in medical solutions that do not include turmeric.
yairn@israelhayom.co.il